Decisions, decisions...

I've decided to move down here. I've been dithering back and forth for some weeks now, but after all, that's why I came down in the first place. The first few weeks didn't go so well: The heat really aggravated me, as did the mosquito bites I suffer when visiting my friends in Palaikarra. I love them all to death, but after a couple days I go mad with itching!



On top of that I had a bugger of a cold and then a bout of nasty food poisoning which lasted a good ten days or so. Had I not been playing the suffering stoic, I would have taken some antibiotics sooner, because they quite literally cleared it up within a matter of hours. Tinidazole rocks!



But I gradually acclimated to the heat and though I still sweat like a pig (or a jim!) it doesn't seen to bother me as much. It's been running 30-33 (86 -- 91 F) during the day with about 60% -- 80% humidity and I suppose the summer months will be worse. At home I run the AC at 28 (82) which is a bit luxurious, and I suppose when I calculate the electricity bill tomorrow I'm in for a rude shock. Electricity is 6 rupees (13 cents) per unit, which I dearly hope is a kilowatt!



Then I went to Kodaikanal, which was the second purpose of the trip. I fancied the idea of settling there, buying some property and setting up a hotel cum B&B and a restaurant but it would be impossible. Primero, land prices for a good location are out of reach. Segundo, competition is fierce and finally, I didn't take to the people or the locals vs. "summer people" culture. It's a lovely place though and I'd like to visit again during the "season". When I was there it felt exactly like Seattle, only with more fog (Kodai means fog). Needless to say I missed out on the views from 7500 feet...



So that left me in a funk. My grand plan was squashed and I was hot and bothered. On top of that, I was bored. Internet too slow for even a YouTube, television extremely limited. Thank god for the Kindle! I found some entertainment by having my hand fixed by a plastic surgeon at a local hospital, which is actually a whole story in itself. Results were (are) splendid 3 weeks post-op, especially when the entire cost was about $476 (call it $480 when you include the antibiotics and adhesive tape)



But I'd planted a seed within a few days of my arrival which chose the depth of my funk to sprout. There are no cafes here, and so the only real place where I could sit and read and people-watch was at the biggest "mall" in town: City Center. I'd become accustomed to having lunch and tea at a decent (used to be better) restaurant called Bay Leaf during the afternoon and on a whim one day I offered my services to the local "Learn English Here" school next door. I had no idea what I was doing and was quite frank about it, but I pitched myself as a tutor in spoken English with an emphasis on accent reduction. I have had some experience with that and know my way around a sentence fairly well, so I told them as much and let it go at that.



As far as I can figure it must be something genetic because the pitch was a home run. Within a week I was taking three batches a day for a half-hour or more and just having a grand time talking WITH them and gently correcting grammar and pronunciation along the way. A few sessions were absolute duds, but by and large I did pretty well having no curriculum (curricula?) to draw upon. One day they read limericks on the Kindle (and what a boon that turned out to be!), another Mother Goose, and quite a few days were just three word doublets composed in Excel from English word frequency lists.



To make a long story short, after a couple weeks it was clear I was doing a great job: apparently they loved me (and I hope not just because of the novelty factor) and I could tell their accents were noticeably improving. The owner and I have been having some discussion about employment and I'd like to accept, but he can't pay much and the red tape is terra incognito for us both. It's not very often a small time operator like he wants to hire an American; and even less often an American wants to take a job at a relative pittance in India! I can see the visa officers scrutinizing the applications now...



But if that doesn't work out I think I'll still end up here for one simple reason: when I get back to the States I'll miss India, esp. Kerala and even more so, Trichur. I do not miss Seattle -- haven't even thought about it except for the ferrets. Lord know I certainly don't miss Ohio (but I miss my friend Chintu a wee bit). I still miss San Francisco, but the BS in San Fran and California in general is more than my stomach can take, so where do I go?

Breast Feeding Frenzy

"That looks interesting" I thought as I scrolled through the on-screen programming guide. Turns out the Discovery Channel was showing Bear Feeding Frenzy...

Get a grip!

Had my hand fixed a couple days ago. It's still in a cast so I can't type too well. The only thing worse than being practically the only white man down here is being a white man with a cast on his arm. Everyone seems concerned: they point and gesture as to say "What happened?" In my best Malayalam I tell them, "Meen chinganee" while making a petting motion. It means crocodile (gharial, to be exact)...

This and That

Oh poo, my antibiotic conservatism has backfired. After putting up with that damned gastroenteritis for a number of weeks, I finally broke down and began some antibiotic treatment a few days ago. The effect was practically miraculous: within 4 hours my belly felt normal again, so I suspect it was giardia just presenting differently than I've seen it before. But unfortunately I'd had my CBC taken before that and the WBC was elevated, so the surgeon has decided to wait a few days before doing my hand. Now I'm sitting around with a head full of Xanax and nothing much to do until Friday.



I've been in Kodaikanal for the past few days checking out whether I'd like to live and settle down there, and perhaps build or buy a hotel/restaurant. I could have been in Seattle for the weather because it rained and drizzled almost the entire time! The kodai (fog) was pretty thick too, so my sightseeing was limited to about 500 yards on a good day. It's a beautiful spot and I'd have to go back during the nice season just to see the sights. Don't think I could live there though, and heaven help me if I wanted to buy property! Not only would a good location be out of reach of my budget, but the competition is just too fierce to make a go of it.



One bright spot was a visit to the Jesuit school's natural history museum where I had a good chat with the brother in charge and seemed to impress him with my rusty knowledge of zoology and the like. I got the impression it wouldn't be too hard to secure a teaching job there like any number of other expats have done. Many seem to be Australian, for some reason. So who knows - if I get bored and restless in 10 years or so when the area's a little more developed I might go back and see if I could still swing it.



I do start teaching conversational English for a couple hours a day at a vocational school in town in a couple days. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing of course, but I pitched it to the manager as just an informal, low-pressure way for the students to practice their English and get some gentle guidance on pronunciation and grammar. As an icebreaker, I've come up with the idea of sticking a bunch of limericks on my Kindle and passing it around and having each student read one aloud. It'll give me an idea of the sounds they are having trouble with and provide some amusement, too. I had to nix the idea of dirty limericks for obvious reasons, but the silly thought of a guy saying "There once was man from Nantucket…" with an Indian accent seems permanently stuck in my head. I ran across another one which would get me fired in about thirty seconds, but I'll share it here:



One morning Mahatma Gandhi
Had a hard-on and it was a dandy.
He said to his aide,
"Please bring me a maid,
Or a goat, or whatever is handy!"

Dinga Dinga Dee!

How do the Israelis sell arms to India? With a Bollywood video, of course!


This is unfathomably bizarre.

A Case of the Vapours?

I've been sick with the worst case of food poisoning I've ever had.


Normally I wouldn't mention it, but one symptom was (I hope I can now use the past tense!) so peculiar I thought I'd mention it: gas.


It was like NASA set up a wind tunnel between my legs. Had it been hydrogen, I could have single-handedly sent that balloon kid (and his little dog, too) from here to Nova Scotia.


I think it was salmonella because of the fever and other symptoms. The gas was certainly the hallmark, though. Any clues, let me know.


Other than that, things have been fine.

Wherefore art thou, Sabeena?

Sabeena is NOT some newly acquainted nautch girl.


I've known her a long, long time and don't know what I'd do without her extra special gift.


She performs nobody's business and puts a shine on everything she touches.


I've brought her to America on a couple occasions and she does her stuff just as well up there as she does down here.


Ahhh, Sabeena!






Sabeena is a soap/scouring powder made from what I think is sifted ashes and some phenomenally powerful, phosphate-laden detergent. I'm sure fish shudder at the very thought of her, but God! can it clean something fierce!


It's opaque on X-ray, so Indian customs always checks my bags when I leave India with a coveted 1 kilo stash. It's also horribly commonplace, so they give me this quizzical eye as if to say, "Why the hell are you taking Sabeena out of the country?"


If only they knew...